A Different Perspective: Day 83
07/11 (Day 83)
As I stood outside in the dark peeing on a bush I tried to remember what happened today but I just couldn’t. It took me a lot of pondering to remember if I went outside much or if I went anywhere at all. I couldn’t remember if yesterday was today or where I woke up this morning. I slowly pieced it together and realized I didn’t leave the house for more than a few minutes at a time. When I woke up I turned on the computer while still on the couch and the morning continued in that fashion. I spent nearly the entire day writing, emailing, and facebooking. I did go outside to pee on the same bush a half dozen times and each time I stretched out my body a bit. I also walked a few blocks to fill up my water jugs at the leaky fire hydrant. I was plenty hydrated but I didn’t eat much at all leaving myself somewhat delirious. I wouldn’t call it a lazy day because of the amount I accomplished and the fact that I barely took a second to be unproductive. It’s a very different kind of productivity from the last 82 days though. Many times I intended to put my computer away but each time I found myself still on it hours later.
Here are some insights into my mind on Day 83 of living a minimal impact lifestyle…
I sat on the couch and tears fell from my eyes as I thought about the people that have inspired me throughout my life and who have shaped me into who I am today. I am very proud of the life I lead so I have a very deep level of appreciation for the people who helped me to get here. I also thought of all the amazing people that are out in the world making a better life for themselves, their communities, and the earth. The people that are sacrificing their comforts and the luxuries they could have to instead live a humble life that is better for the people around them. The people that are making a conscious effort to start living a happier healthier life. The people who are waking up and quitting jobs that are taking them nowhere and getting rid of all the crap that is bogging them down. Of all the difficult times on the trip I wouldn’t have expected this to be the time that tears would fall from my eyes. The more I thought about it the more I cried and I didn’t know exactly why I was crying but it didn’t matter. I’m a bit overwhelmed and I was very glad to be shedding tears, as I know it is a good release. At one point I would see something on the computer that would send excitement throughout my body and then more tears would come. A very mixed bag of emotions today.
I’m seeing life from such a different perspective right now. The difference of being here in the city surround by all this technology is starting to set in. It’s starting to close in on me. I am sitting here looking at the oven and I’m seeing this every day piece of technology in a different light than I have in the past. This thing is so huge and so beyond me. It’s so complicated and I know close to nothing about it. How it was designed and how someone figured out to put this together is so beyond me. The giant factories that put it together are beyond me. All of this to do something very simple that I do with sticks and twigs that I find underneath trees. When I am done cooking all that is left is some ashes that I scatter. When the people who use this stove are done there is still a giant thing that will likely one day end up in a landfill.
It’s been so long since I sat in a building by myself secluded from Mother Nature. I feel very isolated in many ways. I am seeing how different of a life that I am living from everyone around me. My way of living has become the norm for me and without a lot of people around it is easy to perceive the weird things I do as the normal. They are as much a part of my life as turning on a light switch is for you. Now I see Greg going into a room and closing the door to use the toilet whereas I go outside. Yael and he can simply use the stove when they want to cook or open up a fridge whereas I have to go out and find it. For the first time in my life I sat in an apartment with white walls surrounding me and realized just how isolated I was from the world around me. I was starting to feel a little crazy and imagined what it would be like to isolate myself in this white walled isolation tank for 24 or 48 hours without leaving and without distractions like my computer and phone.
It’s hard to explain but I don’t fully feel like I am within my body right now. I don’t feel whole or complete in here. As I walked around the apartment there seemed to be a separation between my physical body and my mind. It felt like part of me wasn’t in my body when I walked. I would take a step forward and it would take an extra second for part of me to catch up.
It’s nearly 1:00 in the morning and I am watching words scroll across the microwave screen and it is quite intimidating actually. If a person lived their entire life in the Amazonian Rainforest and then came to the United States and saw all of this for the first time they would feel quite boggled. I feel like I could now relate to them. I know what I have experienced is not nearly as extreme as what they would experience but it is in the same realm.
Part of me thinks I need to snap out of all this, ignore it, and get out of here. The other part of me thinks I need to experience this. That is the part of me that I am choosing to follow today. If every new perspective I see life from makes me a more understanding knowledgeable human than today was an important day in my life.
For now I’ve experienced as much as I feel is needed and I think it would be best for me to go to bed.